Rants & Raves of Jasmine's Fiction

Adventures of girl17

My dear mate James sent me the funniest conversation montage from a chatroom he was in recently.  What is really funny is that he went in as “girl17”.  I HAD to share this with everyone.

Convo 1

Guest_49912: would u like to see me?

girl17: who are you

Guest_49912: im kobi...

girl17: right

Guest_49912: i have a web cam

Guest_49912: so if u want to just say

girl17: why would i want to see your webcam

Guest_49912: i dont know

girl17: neither do i

Guest_49912: to meat me my...be

girl17: and...why would i want to meet you?

Guest_49912: becus...

Convo 2

KinkyMan: hi

girl17: hi

KinkyMan: age?

girl17: cant you read?

Convo 3

jojo1: hi

girl17:  hi

jojo1: how r u

girl17: bored

jojo1: your nam

girl17: pippi longstockings

jojo1: oh is very nice nam

Convo 4

Sexy_Superman: hi

girl17: hi

Sexy_Superman: hi asl

girl17: im from

sweden

Sexy_Superman: cool r u sexy

girl17: are you?

Sexy_Superman: yes i am 6'4'' tall brown hair dark blue eyes 219 lbs very athletic

girl17: so what are you doing in a chatroom

girl17: do you have a small penis or something

Convo 5

Guest_8129: tell me

Guest_8129:  do u shave or trim

Guest_8129: i  like to shavec

Guest_8129: do u

girl17: my ass yeah

girl17: i have a hairy ass

girl17: does that turn you on?

Convo 6

Seth5722: really now, but back to my question arn't you a lil old for my lil pony?

girl17: arent you a lil old to be talking to 17 y/os?

Convo 7

man_with_soul: do u have msn

girl17: no

girl17: but if you get yim and sign onto my personal website for a fee i'll put on a show for you!

man_with_soul: ok

Convo 8

Guest_8129: me2

Guest_8129:  18f

Guest_8129: hot f u

Guest_8129: 36c 

girl17: i dont understand you

girl17: all i am seeing is letters and numbers

girl17: can you use real WORDS please

~~~

ROFLMAO! 

Houston

we have a problem!  Code red!  We have an id-10-t situation! 

Can you believe some of the perverts that lurk in the chatrooms of cyberspace???  And the atrocious spelling???  And the sheer stupidity of these MORONS?!?

James told me I should log in to any random Googled chatroom with the name girl17 and expand on ‘her’ adventures.  According to him it’s so hilarious it’s a real stress and boredom reliever.  I’m not too sure if I can bring myself to let creepy freakshows ‘talk’ to me – or what they pass off for talking at least… 

But hey, if any of you folks feel the need to be a 17 year old girl from

Sweden called Pippi Longstockings with the pigtails

, be sure to log the funniest conversations and send them to me for sharing!

c u ppl l8t!

The Crying Game

I’m beginning to get really tired of Merentha.  I know, I didn’t think it was possible either looking at how deeply enmeshed I am in the game.  But you know what?  I’m tired.  Tired of grinding (hack and slash gets old real quick), tired of the drama (you can a read previous post on Merentha drama ­here), and tired of everyone in the game taking everything too seriously.

How serious is serious?  Dear readers; Jasmine has been reduced to tears today.  When I say tears, I mean that I actually sobbed for a couple of minutes.

What happened?  People in the game taking everything too seriously.  This is more or less what happened:

Siol (HM):  Who wants 10K gold?  I’m giving away 10K gold.

Regret (HM):  Come to Haven and give it to me!

Siol (HM):  Haha no, you want the money you come to me.
Maharet (HM):  Hop my gate.

Siol (HM):  Haha.

Maharet (HM):  Nah, it’s not worth it, my gates cost 10K anyway.

Siol (HM):  Ok, 50K gold then.

Maharet (HM):  I’ll PK you for 50K  ;)

Siol (HM):  :P

Ekom (HM):  Why would a sorc from Pax threaten PK to a lowbie?

Regret (HM):  Why would an assassin from Tri-Force care???

Maharet (HM):  Who’s threatening?  Mind your accusations.

Ekom (HM):  You just said that you’ll PK Siol and all he was doing was offering money.  People are too free with throwing around the PK word and PK-ing people for no reason and I don’t like to see that.

Maharet (HM):  I don’t see Siol complaining, why are you?

Siol (HM):  I know!  :-)

Ekom (HM):  Yeah but still too many of you people think that just because you’re high leveled and powerful that you can just kill people for no reason.  You are a level 50 sorc Maharet, you could do some serious damage and I just don’t want to see anyone die over nothing.

Regret (HM):  Shut your mouth.

Kemenkel (HM):  Ekom watch what you say.

Beyak (HM):  Shut up Ekom.

Maharet (HM): Keep your nose in your own business before you lose it.

---

Before we continue here’s a little tutorial to some Merentha jargon.

HM = High Mortal.  All players from the levels of 20 to 49 are considered HM.  HM line is where all players above level 20 can speak in public for the whole MUD to see.

PK = Player Kill.  Players can kill other players (not just the monsters in the game) and although this is frowned upon in the game society, it does happen.

Gate = Gates are a magic transportation portals that allow players to move quickly from one place to another.  Only high leveled mages get this ability.

Sorc = Sorcerer.  Mage sub-class. 

Pax = Juris Pax.  Player run guild.  Juris Pax is strictly non-PK.

Tri-Force = Also a player run guild.  Their guildmaster has over 40+ PKs to his name.

Lowbie = Low leveled player.  We consider anything under level 23 to be lowbies.

*please note that Ekom has been known to spree (spree meaning to PK indiscriminately; in short, a mass murderer) and I, out of my 865 kills have only 3 PKs to my name – all in self defence, meaning they attacked me first.

**also note that after I said that I would PK Siol for the 50k I ended the sentence with a ;) denoting that I was joking.  Siol and everyone else knows that I don’t PK, nor do I condone it.

---

So after all that drama, Kemenkel tells me today with his righteous and holier-than-thou manner (in more than the summarised amount of words) that I’m too free with my PK threats; that I offend people and that I should learn to be a nice person like him or I will pay for it with my life.

Those of you who know me IRL please laugh as loud as you can. 

I hate people telling me what to do, I hate it when they condescendingly tell me that it’s for my own good and that I need to take their advice because they are right and I am wrong.  I hate it when people assume things out of ignorance and I hate it when they judge me based on ONE conversation.

I don’t need to justify the amount of people I’ve helped IRL and in the game.  I don’t need to prove that I am “a nice person” (okay I have my bitchy days but deep down inside you all know that I’ll bend over backwards for anyone if the situation calls for it) and I don’t deserve to be made to feel that I am in the wrong for something a hypocritical asswipe took out of context.

I’m tired.  After today’s argument with Kemenkel, I had a little cry and I’m actually contemplating retiring Maharet from the game for a little while.  Sigh.  I guess its time to bring out my little paladin.

Stay tuned folks.  You might just hear about Alessa’s exploits.  And trust me; she’s got quite a lot of things going her way.  She’s only level 9 but she’s already been married twice.  Don’t change the channel.

Drama & Addiction

The internet around the world crashed today due to an earthquake in Taiwan that knocked out an internet link station and here I am, stuck for the first time since the MUD server was restored with no way to game.

I am officially depressed.  And I’m getting the shakes.

Wait, it could be the withdrawal symptoms from the hours of addicted gaming that I’ve done for the past 2 MONTHS, in which case; ignore me.  I need therapy.  I can just see myself now in rehab: “hello my name is Maharet, uhm… I meant Jasmine.  I am a MUD addict.”

Haha.  Khayman, upon observing me sneak in game time all throughout the Christmas holidays commented that I have graduated from being a mere addict – to a CONVICT.  He thinks I am so convicted in my addiction that it’s gone waaaaay past devoted/enthusiastic status and into… Well… Conviction.

Congratulate me folks.  Or institutionalise me.  Merentha is now on par with my indescribable foam-at-the-mouth-craving for sugar doughnuts.  Don’t even mention in passing those massive face sized, round doughy deliciousness within earshot of me lest I become a snarling demon.

Actually I’m kinda glad for the break.  The past 2 months have been quite intense.  The amount of drama I get in the game is NOTHING compared to a primetime soap opera; or an Emmy winning reality TV series.

How?  Let me give you the short version:

-         I’ve been happily (mud)married to my 3^rd (mud)husband for the longest time.  That didn’t deter another man from taking an interest in me; and with the very creative use of magic and charm, he made me break vows in order to (mud)marry me.

-         That didn’t last long.  When the aforementioned 3^rd hubby found that I was now on my 4^th hubby, there was a lot of hysterics, numerous threats of death and dismemberment and the short version is I left the 4^th hubby to remarry 3^rd hubby.

-         Shortly after that episode I became a crazed, single minded machine on the quest to elite-ness.  Hubby didn’t like that as I had no time to spend with him.  And again, there were hysterics and tantrums, and that ended up with me divorcing his unreasonable rear for the 2^nd time.

-         I started running with what are now currently my clan members.  Ex hubby got even more jealous but decided to try and make nice to win me back.  Plan worked, we remarried for the 3^rd time.

-         I am divided between loyalty to my clan and loyalty to my hubby.  Clan leader and hubby cannot see eye to eye and more hysterics and death threats ensue.  I decide that I’ve had enough dramatics and opted to stay with the clan.  Hubby and I divorce for the 3^rd time.

-         Ex-hubby recently married an 18 year old child to spite me. 

-         I upped him one.  I married a prince.  That marriage didn’t last long (1 mud day total) because my clan leader went on a murderous rampage when he found out I snuck off.  His royal highness (my 5^th hubby), decided that saving his royal rear was more important than staying married to me.

-         I killed the priest who married the prince and me for being a dumb bastard by trying to attack us 2 seconds after he married us.

-         I attended a friend’s wedding on a boat and at the end of the ceremony the priest (very same one I killed) went “you may now kill the bride”, someone did.

-         The clan hunted down two mass murderers when the dumb fucks attacked our clan leader.  The killings sparked off a mudwide piranha feeding frenzy and we mourned the loss of friends and foes alike.

-         I witnessed the start of another kingdom war when a group of 5 individuals openly declared that they would hunt down and kill every single kingdom member.

Told you it was drama.  I swear to God I cannot make this stuff up.  Although I am suffering massive withdrawals from not gaming for a grand total (as of posting this blog) of 8 hours, I am rather grateful for some respite.  I am kinda looking forward to some sleep at the very least!  J

Happy holidays, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to one and all!

Gamers Of The World Unite!

My addiction is back.  Merentha is back.  I am going to burn in text hell.

Okay for those of you who don’t know what the HECK I’m going on about you can read my previous blog about Merentha here.  Come back when you’re done with that.

The server crashed for several months and I was enjoying my freedom; and then the administrators resurrected the server.  News travelled down the line and voilá here we are, hacking and slashing our way to becoming Legends.

It’s an obsession really:

- We steal time off work to log in a few rounds of fighting.

- We sneak around our family members to have a few minutes to obtain equipment.

- We drop everything IRL (in real life) to get on when we get the news that there’s an outlaw with a massive gold bounty on its head.

- Heck, some of us even travel thousands of miles IRL to get together with your RPG (Role Playing Game) mates!  Yes Jeroen, that’s you.  J

My sister recently came across several RPG cartoons done by these two computer geeks/geniuses – Mike Krahulik & Jerry Holkins.  I decided to share these with y’all because it really reflects on what life is like on the game.

The first one is my absolute favourite.  Someone tell me why all RPG chicks need to be in scanty clothes?  Cye’Ren, don’t give me the excuse that it is so because men code and play RPGs.  I know truckloads of girls who game too.  What about us?

The second one is so true.  Ursa and I have had this conversation before.  I can see a lot of you Merentha denizens and gamers nodding in agreement.

My sis loved the third one.  It’s self explanatory.

Tune in again folks, I can feel more RPG blogs coming your way!

I've Been Tagged!

Dammit!  A blogger mate of mine tagged me!

According to the tag rules I have to write 6 weird things or habits about myself and then tag 6 other bloggers by notifying them in their comments section.

Aiks, I have to tag 6 other bloggers???  I don’t think they will appreciate being tagged by me but oh well.  All is fair in blog and war.  J

Okay, my weird stuff first:

1. I have mild seizures if people with dirty hands touch my precious hard cover books.  WASH YOUR GRUBBY HEATHEN HANDS FIRST YOU PEASANTS!!!

2. I’m deathly allergic to black skinned chicken.  Serious anaphylactic shock allergic.

3. I have ZERO ability to tell if food has gone bad through smell.  I constantly have to spit out sour milk and some really awful stuff.

4. I love coffee but I cannot drink it past 3pm in the afternoon or I cannot sleep at night.  That and I go into caffeine high and bounce around like a hummingbird that swallowed a pound of Mexican jumping beans.

5. I am addicted to old school computer games.  I roxors at Dig Dug and Pac Man!  I also still play Diablo.

6. I avoid the fish displays at the pet shops because I get really freaked out by the

   Chernobyl goldfish.  Take a look!

Now for the people I’m tagging!

1. Bear Bear

2. Sunny Baby

3. Sweejikins

4. Bobot

5. Chingz

6. Yern

I wanted to tag you Whistlerick but you don’t have a blog!  BAH!

Poker Nights

Contrary to popular belief I do not have penis envy.  I thoroughly enjoy having all my girly parts and I thoroughly enjoy being a girl and doing all the girly things like gossip and shopping and the like.  Occasionally though, when the beer is flowing and the cigarette ashes are flying when I’m hanging out with my male mates, my inner man comes out.  And then my testosterone spikes when you put poker into that equation…

Just to log a poker conversation I’ve had sitting around eating carnivorous pizza, drinking beer and smoking with my 4 mates (Aaron Collingwood, Oliver Brown, Justin Bassi & Michael Dore), it really shows that men really are from Mars and women are from Venus; unless you’re a girl with enough Martian hormones.

Aaron Collingwood: What you all be drinking?

Me: BEER, because no one is allowed to drink anything sissy.  Smoke anyone?

*offers a pack of cigarettes around*

Oliver Brown: Since when did you start encouraging this habit?

*takes a stick anyway*

Me: Pfft, its poker night.  And poker nights are supposed to be all beer, tobacco, crass humour and men.  Grunt.  Grunt.

*flexes her bieceps*

-----

Justin Bassi:  Now see this is where you all know f**k all.  Jazza probably has more testosterone than most of the members of this table.  Gimme two.

*trades 2 cards and puffs on his cigar*

Me:  Wow thanks Basso!

*BURPS disgustingly*

Aaron:  I’ll say!  That was nasty!

*waves his hand around to make the smell of the burp go away*

Michael Dore:  Basso’s right though, butch as you are I’m surprised that you’re not a raging dyke.

*sticks his tongue out between the cigarette*

Me:  Pfft at least I don’t mistaken for a faerie everywhere I go!

*flips Michael the bird*

Micheal:  Haha yeah how’s that going for you Liv?

*slaps Oliver hard between the shoulder blades*

Oliver:  F**u you.  I’m out.

*twitches a grin between puffs and throws in cards*

Aaron:  Still I’ll say, it ain’t truly poker night if there’s any female present, one of the guys or not, sorry Jazza.  Call.

Me: Your prerogative.  No difference to me.

*puts down a full house*

Justin:  BLIMEY!  Where did you get these cards?  Trust me Collar, she may have the girly parts but she ain’t no girl.

*tosses in his cards*

Aaron:  If you’re so manly why you in a skirt?

*throws cards in, disgusted*

Me:  Laundry day.  And it’s a KILT!  Besides, you’re just upset because you’re getting your head beaten in by a girly.  HAHA come to daddy!

*collects the pot and the cards*

-----

Aaron:  Last game boys, I’m done for the night.

*pretends to stretch while leaning in to take a peek at Jasz’s cards.*

Me:  You’d better be trying to look down my shirt Collingwood, and not at my cards.  Sneak!

*folds her cards together and prods Aaron in the chest*

Aaron:  Haven’t the faintest clue what you’re talking about.  And I prefer the term cheat.

*bats his eyelashes innocently*

Me:  Fine then CHEAT!  So now you caught a glimpse of mine, you have to flash me yours.

*grunt*

Aaron:  I always knew you were a filthy bastard.  I’m sorry but I’m just not that kind of girl!

*hugging cards to his chest, makes a girly pout*

Me:  I’ll make a hussy out of you yet.  Now c’mon babe, give us a peek!

*twitches a finger*

Aaron:  Are you all listening to this? Its sexual harassment this is!

*feigns a hurt look*

Justin:  You might as well give ‘the man’ an eyeful sugar, ‘he’ won’t let up until you do.

*mimes quote marks between a beer pull*

Me:  Damn straight Basso.  Now give it up you frigid wench!

*smacks the table*

Aaron:  I’m sorry I will not stand for this kind of talk.  I’m a lady and I deserve some respect!

*Michael snorts into his beer*

Me:  I’ll respect you in the morning, I promise!

Aaron:  That’s what you said the last time!  I never received a phone call.  You can’t treat people this way you know.  I have feelings!  I thought you were different.

*pretends to sniffle sadly*

Me:  What can I say baby?  I’m a bad man.  Now give it here before I take it for myself!

*the other three are cracking up*

Aaron:  I could never resist your charms.

*shows cards to Jasz*

Me:  Thanks babe.  Wasn’t so hard now was it?

Aaron:  Call me?

*mocks desperation*

Me:  Grunt.  You got it toots.

*pulls on a cigarette and gives a curt nod*

Michael:  Liv, Jazza.  Call!

*faces off Jasz and Oliver*

Oliver:  Straight.

*puts down cards with a self satisfied smirk*

Justin:  Not by much!

*strikes a really girly pose*

Oliver:  Hey it’s called METROSEXUAL!  At least I don’t smell bad.

*punches Michael in the shoulder like a girl*

Michael:  Uh huh right sweetheart.  My turn for the full house, tens over!  And it’s called a manly smell.

*spreads out cards and lifts arms in celebration, sniffing his armpits*

Me:  Pfft.  I don’t know about the four Jacks but the King is pretty high.

*casually tosses down cards*

*all the men groan in defeat*

-----

For the record, I won 57 games out of 60.  Poker anyone?

MUD, RPG, IRL

What would you do if you were lost and trapped deep in the depths of the catacombs crawling with undead corpses hell bent on ripping the flesh from your bones; AND you have run out of healing salves and all your orbs have vanished?

Or what would you do if you were walking along, minding your own business when a filthy shadow creeps up behind you and buries a shark tooth knife in your back?

And what would you do if you were sailing as fast as your leaky schooner will take you, trying to get away with whatever limbs you have left as a pirates ship filled with the meanest cutthroats nipping at your heels because you were stupid enough to fire your starboard cannons upon the ship?

Welcome to Merentha!  For the uninitiated; this is a text based, fantasy themed RPG (role-playing game).  I’m sure most of you will have seen graphic computer games where buffed up heroes and scantily clad heroines run around hacking and slashing demons and monsters.  Text based games are the same – the sole objective is to kill as many monsters as you can, as fast as you can without getting yourself killed in the process; and the only difference is that instead of pictures it uses words to describe everything.  This is not a game for slow readers!

It’s a MUD or Multi User Dimension where the game is hosted on a server and people from around the world can access this server and play.  It’s run by ‘Immortals’, basically the people who code the MUD and ensure that the rules are adhered to by the players.  Break the rules and you will get ‘dested’ (where your character is permanently deleted).

Interested?  Well then let’s get you started!  First you will need a character.  What do you want to be?  You can choose to be one of the mighty Fighters.  Not feeling so tough?  How about a stealthy Rogue instead?  Not sure how sneaky you feel?  Ok, you can try a nice, soft profession like a Cleric.  Too boring?  Let’s try a Monk then!  Still undecided?  How about some Magic in your life? 

Ok now for your character’s race.  Giants, Centaurs, Imps, Nymphs, Elves, Dwarves, Satyrs, Kobolds, Kenders, Faeries, Orcs, Drows, Gnolls, Werewolves, Artrells, Dragons, Goblins, Ogres, Halflings, Trolls, Hobbits or if you want to be boring, Humans too.  Oh and don’t forget to pick a cool name for your character!

You are now a newbie and you can start killing as many monsters as you wish!  Eventually you might want to join a guild or a kingdom/queendom, participate in the numerous ‘wars’ or special events that come up during the holiday seasons, solve quests and perform good deeds too. 

My mates and I have had some pretty fun times in Merentha.  Honestly for me, the really unforgettable events are the ones where my stupidity reigned supreme.  Like the time I opened fire upon the Pirate’s Ship and nearly got myself sunk to Davey Jones’ Locker.  Or the time I agreed to fight to the ‘death’ in the Arena with an Artrell Bard about 35 levels above me.  FYI – An Artrell is an insectoid species with FOUR arms; a Bard is a singing, knife wielding assassin with a special ‘fast’ attack; so basically I died standing at 16 hits per heartbeat. Then there’s me trying out my new, practically useless & BACKFIRING spells on monsters that could literally beat my head in with their bare fists.  And then one time I accidentally attacked a friend by mistake and got myself killed in the process, and him thrown into jail for killing me.

The best bit about these games is that one gets to meet lots of people who eventually become good friends.  I now interact with many of these players on a daily basis and I’ve even been ‘MUD-Married’ twice!  Unfortunately, MUDs are very much like real life as there are nice people and there are not so nice people.  One knows about players getting PK-ed (Player Kill) for rare armour, feuds that turn into full fledged wars, backstabbings & slander, contract killings & corpse looting – oh this list could go on.  But we focus on the fun and friendships and let me tell you what friendships they are!

Kudos goes out to all you Merentha citizens – Ursa (Bear of my life), Lost (my oldest and smelliest mate), Khayman (mutton munching vampire comrade), Cye’Ren (my Jedi Master), Whistlerick (my Murphy’s Law Magnet), Himiko (my EXP machine), Dalen (my crazy fishing Pirate), Briseis (my beloved guildmistress), Legato (my pimp daddy), Eplictees (my smile & pounce), Bacchanal (my tour guide), Merk (my MUD-hubby), Cirsta (my orange provider) and so many more people…  I can’t name everyone but rest assured that I’ve bitten each and everyone of you and I love you all for making Merentha such an enjoyable experience for me. 

Now who’s up for a party?