Rants & Raves of Jasmine's Fiction

Same Old, Same New

You know how the song goes:

Istanbul-was-Constantinople

Now it’s Istanbul-not-Constantinople

Been long time gone-Constantinople

Why did Constantinople-get the works

That’s nobody’s business but the Turks

I find this name changing business kinda amusing really. Why?  Because last night my Friendly Travel Agent Bear asked me if I wanted a cheap flight to-Constantinople this summer.

I laughed.  My Sunny Vampire Comrade just boggled at the name and asked “where’s that?”  I just pointed him in the general direction of Anatolia-or-Turkey, if that’s what you prefer.

That got me thinking about how many cities/countries have had name changes. My Burmese cousins refuse to call themselves Myanmar-ese or uh, Myanmar-ans after the name change in 1989.

I have a mate who still tells me that he’s from Bombay-even after I corrected him that it’s now called Mumbai.  He just laughed at my face and showed me a clipping from a major newspaper about a terrorist attack:

“...A string of powerful bombs ripped through a vital spine of Mumbai’s commuter train systems killing nearly 200 people.  More than 6 million people ride the trains in Mumbai, formerly-Bombay…”

LOL.  Even the people are confused.  Me?  I take delight in it. I love making an even bigger mess of things:

Me:  Did I ever tell you about the time I went to-Rhodesia?

Mate:  Where’s that???

Me:  Slightly north-east of SouthAfrica

Mate:  Uh...

Me:  I think they call it-Zimbabwe-now…

Mate: >.<

One day I would love to try going to watch the Broadway musical Miss Ho-Chi-Minh but I think Andrew Lloyd Webber would balk at the name change from Miss Saigon to that.

Then I will have me some Beijing-Duck for dinner though I think that Peking-Duck would be tastier. Then to wash it all down I’ll get a glass or two of some Mumbai Safire gin and tonic. Or do you think that the lovely sparkling blue Bombay Sapphire would be better?

And what about my colourful-Madras-shirt? Would I eventually have to call it a Chennai shirt? And somehow I don’t Frank Sinatra would ever sound the same if he sang that he wanted to melt his little town blues and be a part of New Amsterdam, New Amsterdam instead of New York, New York.

Getting quite an education aren’t ya folks? I could go on about this topic but methinks I’ll stop here and next time my Friendly Travel Agent Bear tells me a story about a little west African nation called Burkina Faso (which roughly translates to “The Land Of Incorruptible Men” and its capital called Ouagadougou) I’ll tell him it used to be called Upper Volta.

New Hobby

You know how I hate it when people find out that I blog the first thing they ask me is “so what else do you do besides blogging?”  It insinuates that I have no life other than sitting in front of a PC pulling thoughts out of my arse and typing it down.  C’mon dimwits, I blog about my life and the things that I do, what the flaming hell do you mean what else do I do???

So.  Since I haven’t really had a life outside of my [brand new 20 inch high def Samsung LCD monitor woohoo *rubs monitor in affection*] PC, the equation is simple.  No life = no blog. 

Yes it was Merentha drama again.  But all that aside, I decided to take a sabbatical and concentrate on something else in my life.  It sucks up just about the same amount of time and energy as that blasted text game but without the drama.  Folks I’ve found a new hobby.

No I didn’t covert to that blasted World of Warcraft.  LOL.  Although I have been offered several times by the very wonderful Kemenkel that he’ll buy me my account, I have sadly declined such a generous offer.  One addiction at a time folks.

So what’s this new hobby?  Writing fictional and consensual erotica.  Yes please tell me that I’m a depraved pervert.  I haven’t heard that enough lately.

What’s so hard about writing erotica, or ‘pornography’ as some of you more prudish and uptight people would ask?  PLENTY!

1. Making it Tasteful – have you any idea how difficult it is to make it descriptive yet not fall into the trap of using too many x-rated words for genitalia, copulation and the like.  No F-words, no C-words yet making things explicit and exciting – NOT clinical.

2. Storyline – its not just about 2 strangers meeting up and going “oh lets do it” and proceeding to boff like bunnies on bromide.  I still have to somewhat set up a believable scenario with believable people.  And believe it or not, believable sex.  Let’s not forget that it still needs to be entertaining.

3. Hustle & Flow – its not all just lick, suck and f***.  There should be a flow to it; spontaneous, yet planned to a degree as not to be too haphazard.  Then there’s the continuity issue.  Setting the mood, getting clothes off, foreplay, getting into position, switching of positions, actual coupling, climax, wind down etc.

4. Grammar – spelling, tenses, grammar, and conversation set up.  Not to mention how I want to write the story.  Should I do 3^rd party narrative? Or male/female point of view?

5. Shock Value – should I put in some really nasty, depraved stuff?  Some people swings from chandeliers and lets insects crawl all over their genitalia for pleasure you know.

That all being said, I have several completed works for your reading pleasure.  Those of you who are not on my mailing list may click on my Email Me icon for the stories.  Now remember, these stories are EXPLICIT and GRAPHIC in nature so please, do not be a dumb idiot and open them at work/school or in a public place because undoubtedly you will get worked up and I will not be held responsible for your hot and bothered-ness.

Sorry for the long absence folks. I did miss you all very much but I’m back now!